Daily Prompt: Earworm (learning to be kind to myself #2)

Sometimes I think I’ve let someone else record the soundtrack to my life. Sometimes I look back and think I wasn’t in charge here and I don’t really like the result.

But I’m changing that. I’m taking charge, writing my own script, recording my own soundtrack – performing from my soul. I’m doing things that nourish me and make me happy. That includes listening to music more, acknowledging how much it affects me and letting it happen. Sometimes it’s sad music, but more often these days I’m choosing a soundtrack that lifts me and makes me smile. Makes me dance even!

September was released when I was an angsty, pretentious teenager listening to SuperTramp and Black Sabbath. I didn’t like funk or disco. I didn’t like music that just made you happy. And although I’ve mellowed and have probably enjoyed Earth, Wind and Fire in the intervening years, I didn’t really “get it” until I saw the French film The Intouchables.

I’ve spent years choosing not to listen to music – afraid of how it makes me feel. It’s meant that my life has either – like I said above – been lived with someone else’s soundtrack, or more often, in silence.

If I’d written a response to the Daily Prompt yesterday, there would have been a different song in my head – this one:

This is the song that plays over my moments of blackness, of doubt and of grief. And you know, I’m ok with that. I’m ok because I can acknowledge those moments and still find beauty in them – the beauty of Jessye Norman’s voice and Henry Purcell’s music.

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Learning to be kind to myself

I wrote yesterday about our week of moments that have changed everything, and it seems the ripples will continue to spread for some time to come. One of the minor casualties has been my attempt to take better control of my health – especially my diet. A week of ferrying relatives, shuttling back and forth to hospitals and taking meals around everyone else’s needs has really taken its toll.

But I have some respite!

My boys have gone away for a few days – up north for some father-son time at the beach.
Although my guys are incredibly easy-going about food, it still feels really liberating to have three days of only me to feed.

I’ve decided to base my meals around what’s in the garden and am thinking spinach and sorrel soup for dinner tonight and roast butternut squash with sage tomorrow. We also have lots of bell peppers and herbs so salad lunches are looking good.

One of my goals is to totally avoid all grocery shopping, so meals could be really interesting!
I’m looking forward to this; not only for my physical health, but also because already feel more relaxed knowing that I don’t have to fight my way round the supermarket, or try to come up with meals that please everyone. I can eat what my body wants – when it wants it.

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